Reply: Thirty two, married with children, my true love can't live here

My background includes leaving my hometown for a girl's boarding school because o violence in my country. I never made friends, I was that foreign student and I wasn't as rich as the other girls were. Rich enough to pay the tuition, but not rich enough for private planes. 

I applied to various universities looking for a scholarship. I got a full ride scholarship including room and board at an IV League school. The world there was separated by the rich kids and the kids on scholarship. It was a hard divide. St the school I roomed with Marta, a student from Colombia. We both spoke Spanish and we became best friends. One night after we had moved yo an off campus apartment, she came to my room to sleep with me. I lifted my blanket for her to get in, and I put my arms around her. We slept all warm and cozy. Once, became always, and we spent the rest of college like that. 

When she finished she had to go home because of her visa. When I checked I had the same problem. I had lived here since I was fourteen and didn't want to return. We had a friend, with an American mother, and he offered to marry me to stay here. My roommate didn't find anyone to marry her. 

Well, to me it was a purely marriage of convenience, but one night he wanted sex with me. As you can imagine, I loved my roommate. I had no room in my life for a man. Still a boy, really. It was hard to have to let him. He had changed his mind and he wanted a permanent marriage and children. A twenty two year old girl, hurting and missing her one love, didn't want children. He took matters into his hands and I became pregnant. 

Ten years later, three kids later, my Colombian girlfriend got her return visa. She came to see me. It was an emotional reunion, ten years of repressed feelings, I refused my husband and spent the night with her at her hotel. Wave after wave of feelings, memories and being together. I had my permanent residency, my husband couldn't take that from me. I asked for a divorce to marry her. He refused. 

I wanted a divorce and I would move with my children to Colombia. I found out I couldn't take them without his permission. I am not divorced, I am distraught. My eternal love cannot live with me, I don't have job skills, my husband is upset and angry. My children are hurt. I'm married. And my husband's demands are too much for me. I realize now where my emotions are. And getting in bed with a man everynight isn't where I want to be.