Reply: Coerced into Regret

I'm female, I'be been struggling with my attraction to preteen girls & that kind of porn too since my mid teens, so you are NOT alone with this !!!! 

I was almost ten years old when my mid teen older brother introduced me to those MSN chatrooms when our parents were not home. We received several PMs with links to porn sites that featured girls my age having sex with boys and other girls.
None of the text was in English but the images made it very clear that no reading was actually needed. Those images influenced me into thinking that some how it was a sort of normal but obviously secret thing we were looking at. We both admitted to each other to having been exploring our own bodies in recent months which added to the erotic vib of what we were doing. Eventually my brother exposed his erection to me and guided my hand to touching it which aroused me so that I allowed him to touch me over my clothes at first and soon I pulled everything down and he touched my vagina. Between the images on the screen and my brother's coercion, I allowed him to have sex with me which was very brief, lasting just a few humps before he ejaculated inside me and pulled out. He then gave me privacy and I masturbated to those images. Ever since then, even though I am female, I have used that particular kind of porn to masturbate all through my teen and well into adulthood. I carry this shame that is so heavy knowing that I am a pervert, perverted by my brother. My parents never found out and still have no idea. Even though I rarely still do it, it is that kind of porn that I use. i am so ashamed of my behavior.

When I was a horny 15 year old boy I worked for this older man in our neighborhood. For years I did all types of odd jobs yard work and anything he needed and he paid me. 
 One hot summer day while in his house having an ice cold glass of tea with him he started to talk to me about girls and sex. I wasn’t having sex but wanted it bad. I had tried doing it with other boys several times and it felt good because I really wanted sex.  
 I jacked ifc with boys we sucked each other off pretty often and for about a year I had been letting three different friends butt fuck me and unloved getting fucked. 
 As we talked I let it slip that I knew about sex with other boys and that seemed to excite him and he wanted me to tell him about it. I was slow to speak about it but soon I was giving him details and noticed he was rubbing his crotch as I talked. 
 Then he stood up dropped his pants reached into his underwear and took out the biggest hardest cock I had ever seen them stroking it looking right at me he asked me if I would like to have sex with him. I couldn’t speak just sitting there looking at this huge cock dripping with pre cum
 He took o er and had me rubbing his cock in a few minutes then he undressed me and leaned down to suck on my cock and rub his hands on my ass. He took me to a spare bedroom and put me on the bed then went down on me sucking my dick as he slowly turned around until
His huge cock was in my face and i  to suck it but the head was huge. I tasted his pre cum and he was trying to get a finger up my ass. I gave in and let him have his way with me and after sucking the cum out of my nuts he told me he wanted to fuck me and that he would go slow he got some lube out of the drawer next to the bed and rolled me over. He ate my ass used his tongue in my ass fingered me then lubed me up and told me to reach back and spread my ass open for him so I did. 
 He worked to get his huge cock nine but it stung really bad and I had to ask him to stop. He kept working on me with his huge fingers and more lube until he got his dick in me. I was screaming into the pillow pulling at the sheets as his huge long fat cock split me open. 
 He only had half of his dick up inside of me when he started to cum and he filled my insides with warm thick cum then all excited he shoved his huge dick all the way up my asshole and after ramming it up my ass really hard several times he started to fuck me and all I could do was scream and pull at the sheets while he talked dirty to me and pounded my asshole for a very long time before he told me he was going to cum in me. He shot a huge load way up inside of me and kept forcing his dick up my ass like a wild animal. He kept his duck in my ass while he talked to me and told me he liked my young tight ass then asked CNN me how I liked his big dick. I told him it hurt really bad at first but it felt good now. 
 He slowly started to fuck me again and right away I felt a huge amount of warm cum between my legs as his huge dick was pulling it out of me. He used his knees to force my legs apart as far as they would go then holding my wrists above my head wide apart he started to fuck me and he fucked me for the longest time and came in metro more times 
 He wanted me to shower with him so I did and the whole time I was on my knees getting my mouth fucked and sucking on his huge balks and he had me take his balks in my mouth several times as his pre cum dripped on my face
 When he came that time he was in the back of my mouth as I gagged on his warm cum. He picked me up spin me around said grab your ankles and he shot some cum on my asdhole and without warning shoved his dick up my ass and then reached around and grabbed my dick pulling on it and told me to come back tomorrow for more. He shot a little cum up my ass then let his dick slip out of my stretched out hole then he made me lick his dick then we dried off and I found myself wanting to stay awhile. 
 When I told him I didn’t have to go he smiled and said OK then let’s have some more fun. I’m his den he put on some porn. It was all
Men having sex and he got out of his clothes and told me to do the same   He had me suck
Him and get him really hard then had me straddle his cock and he held it to my asshole as I lowered my ass down taking his huge dick up my ass. I rode his dick while he watched porn and later he filled my ass with more cum. I was there a long time and he had me wear some silk panties and he fucked me on my back with my legs up and he got even deeper in my ass like that he fucked me on my hands and knees bent over the kitchen table and once out on his back patio
 He out that monster dick in my ass countless times and tons me he had two other boys that liked his big dick. Two months later at a party at his house it was me and him and the other two boys and he watched the three of us put on a sex show for him and he directed us to do some very nasty dirty things while we sucked his dick and jacked him off and he took out some scripts and had the other two boys use them on me while he sat back taking pictures. For two years I was his sex slave and let him do whatever he wanted to do to me. Including sharing me with a friend, and a lot of kinky shit that I don’t care to mention but he liked to pee  on me in the shower and make me eat my own cum and he had a bench that he would mount sex toys to and watch me ride them while he took pictures then he had me take both of the other boys in my ass at the same time with his cock in my throat. 
 Still today I find myself wanting an older dominant man to use me with his huge cock 

I was about ten years old when I sneaked online late at night in my room while hiding under the sheets and went to that Omegle site that I had heard about from my friends at school and at sleepovers. I chatted with a really cute older guy a while but like, yeah, eventually our conversation got very sexual. He showed me his erection which was the first large erection I had ever seen and I got aroused and he coerced me into showing him my vagina. He had an app and he recorded me  

I was the Executor of one of my uncle's estate when he passed. In the process of cleaning his home I discovered a briefcase filled with polaroid pictures of my cousins having sex with each other when they were children over what seems to be at least five years or so. To protect our family's reputation in our very conservative Republican  

This was when there were VHS Tapes and I was a child. I was manipulated and most definitely heavily coerced into doing sex tapes with adult males while I was still a child. 
I still occasionally have nightmares about those times and everything I did and was done to me. I lived in denial about it, keeping the secret from husbands (2) and sadly living through chronic promiscuous childhood behavior with old guys and full  adult men.